Monday, February 16, 2009

Anger and grief

Note to future self: When both you and your spouse are grieving on the same day with two separate focuses you need to be extremely vigilant about your emotions. Intense anger feels real, but is actually a defense mechanism against your sadness. The anger becomes a needle which will eventually burst the grief balloon and you'll finally realize what was actually going on. If possible, try to recognize the real root emotion sooner rather than later. You'll both be better off.

5 comments:

traveler said...

One good trick is to remember that mental health people say that anger is a "secondary" emotion....there is always something behind it. The "something" say the mhp is fear associated with a perceived LOSS experienced or threatened. So when I discover myself feeling angry it is often helpful to take a deep breath and ask myself, "What do I think I might lose or have already lost that this situation is connected to somehow?" Then I can grieve the loss or take appropriate problem solving steps rather than kicking my dog or swearing at the neighborhood goth or grumbing at my spouse. Piece of cake, right?!

BrotherBemused said...

"Consciousness" is a wonderful thing!
Sometimes I realize...mere hours after I do something....that the effect of the something might be completely different than I intended. Like yesterday for example when I delivered psychology lecture 101. I know the principles. I teach them all the time. And they have actually worked pretty well in practice...for me. But what is it about my ego state that requires me to TEACH when perhaps I could be more supportive by just listening? Not sure. I do know this...I want so much for my children to experience the finest life has to offer. Jay said to me yesterday that he analyzes his relationships in his head all the time. I know what he means. NO! I really KNOW what he means because I DO IT TOO. Our DNA is the same for that trait. Blessing and curse!

traveler said...

Oops! I have now become BrotherBemused because I am techychallenged.

traveler said...

Oopps! Now I have become BrotherBemused because I'm techychallenged.

BrotherBemused said...

"Consciousness" is a wonderful thing!
Sometimes I realize...mere hours after I do something....that the effect of the something might be completely different than I intended. Like yesterday for example when I delivered psychology lecture 101. I know the principles. I teach them all the time. And they have actually worked pretty well in practice...for me. But what is it about my ego state that requires me to TEACH when perhaps I could be more supportive by just listening? Not sure. I do know this...I want so much for my children to experience the finest life has to offer. Jay said to me yesterday that he analyzes his relationships in his head all the time. I know what he means. NO! I really KNOW what he means because I DO IT TOO. Our DNA is the same for that trait. Blessing and curse!